who even are you?
i was in town a few days ago when i was suddenly approached by a man in a suit, who smiled at me in a dicky way, so i just looked at him like, what?
apparently he was famous or something. johnathan powell. he was like ‘dont you want to get my autograph’?
so i gave him 10p and told him to call somebody that gave a shit, then walked away.
i love my life.
Dannii Minogue
Seriously guys what the fuck. This talentless bitch is back on X-factor? wtf has she got to tell ANYONE aobut talent? she’s been in her sister’s shadow for life, and now her sister only has one tit so she got a bit of publicity and good old Dannii decides to shuffle in on the action.
Well Danni you’re the BEST type of support for your sister you hook-nosed bitch
fuck you
fuck you with a rake
4 things I have decided that I hate
1. When you get into the bath and it’s too hot
wtf is this shit guys, seriously. You’ve waited like 7 minutes for the bath to fill, added your bubbles, then you put your foot in and you’re just like FUUUUUUUUU
Also what annoys me about baths? When you’ve got too many bubbles and you’re sitting there with bubbles on you trying to wash away the bubbles BUT WHILE WASHING AWAY THE BUBBLES YOU REALISE YOU’RE WASHING WITH BUBBLES
2. When you’re at somebody else’s house and they make you food but it’s all fancy and still tastes like shit
Seriously if you’re having a dinner party at least check what other people like. I don’t need no fancy shit on my food just shove it on a plate and I’ll eat it, fuck, i watched a show where a woman spent like 10 minutes drizzling a sauce that looked a bit like cum on some food that looked a bit like frozen cum and I nearly RAGED, wtf just serve your food you stupid bitch
3. When someone offers to help you but actually just gets in the way
If you’re going to help me then yeah that’s cool, but can you not stand there with your O_O face on while I’m trying to move the heaviest shittiest thing you’ve ever seen? get out of my way or I will throw it at you you little bitch FUCK
Also old people that get in your way but expect you to help them with whatever shit they’re trying to do. You’re old, I’m young, my problems are more important than yours, get out of my way and no I won’t move so you can sit down on the bus
Speaking of old people on the bus,
4. Old people on the bus
there was this woman with a pushchair that needed to get on the bus but we were already standing up (bout 4 students) and two old ladies were sitting on the chairs where the pushchair usually goes, so I give them my stare like, are you gonna move you fucking biddies?
and none of them move, like they’ve got some crazy right to sit down because there are crevices in their face.
So the bus driver is fucking Polish or something and I’m like, yeah no I don’t think there’s any room. So the bus pulls off and I give the old ladies an evil look.. Then bout 5 minutes later another fucking old decrepit lady that looks a bit like Joan Rievrs says (very loudly) THAT POOR WOMAN COULD HAVE GOTTEN ON, THERE WAS ROOM
So I looked her straight in the eye and said ‘FUUUUUUUU’ then punched her in the womb
I didn’t actually do that.
That would be ethically wrong.
